WARNING: This short blog is NOT upbeat, fun, exciting etc... it is DEPRESSING. Read at your own risk:
I’m pretty sure we screwed the pooch with this move to Washington. We spent every single dime of our savings to sail Wandering Dolphin from St Thomas, USVI, through the Canal, to Costa Rica, Hawaii and finally Washington. We went from no marina fee and only a cell phone for a bill and no debt at all to a slip, vehicle, insurance, gas, and we owe money to family members who have graciously tried to help us over this rough spot. All of these changes in a moment when we set foot on the dock it seems. I left quite a few delivery jobs on the East Coast for none over here on the West and Beck has been struggling to find work. The jobs she has right now don’t even cover our bills much less food and stuff. I am struggling with the very thought of everything we are giving up in order to be here. Mostly it is the enslavement of a “normal” American life that is getting to me. I don’t even want all of these things! I want the freedom of the sea again already. I want to drop my hook in a free anchorage again and row ashore to find work for a season right off the boat. Washington is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen but it is also full of restrictions and rules and laws that are designed to curb my freedom and it is growing old SUPER fast.
I have also been plagued by a depression that I have never faced in my life. To me our 78 days at sea was a milestone and I was pretty depressed when we finally reached our dock and only 3 people were there and not one of them was from my own family. I’m not exactly sure what I expected but I definitely felt a bit of let down and even anger toward my own family. That had really been building for years actually. We have spent the past eight years in one of the prettiest places in the world and the only one in my family to visit was my Mom. It didn’t surprise me to find none of them waiting at the dock but it did sting none the less.
I am also depressed because I actually really like my life as a sailor and have been very proud of the way we have chosen to live our lives. Now here we are actively trying to unspool that life and fill it up with all of the very things I hate, debt, bills, schedules, and our boat tied to a dock like a lion in a cage. I am pretty sure I need to earn some quick cash by cutting crab in the fish plant, pay off the folks we owe money to, buy WD some new sails, and point her bow west this spring.
My buddy Richard told me in Hawaii to be prepared for depression when the journey ended. I laughed because I have really never experienced it before. I know that there are a lot of people who will read this and say,
“Poor Baby! You mean you have to go to work every day at a dead end job for the rest of your life to pay bills like the rest of us?”
I can hear them laughing at me just like I have been laughing over the years every time we pulled up our anchor and set sail for another Caribbean anchorage and our day to day life on Wandering Dolphin.
Well here we are... NOT “Living the Dream!”
Hog Tied to an Ugly Dock,